The Impossible Question

When living through challenging life circumstances, there is an infamous question friends, loved ones, and acquaintances will inevitably ask.

“How are you?”

Sometimes it can feel really difficult to articulate an answer to that question.

For starters, how do you discern whether or not the person asking is genuinely interested in your answer? What will they do with the information you share? When this question is paired with pause, it can feel daunting. It’s especially challenging to know how to respond when we are out of touch with our soul.

You may feel overwhelmed by emotions as life rapidly changes without your consent, or swirling in survival mode, where the last thought crossing your mind is you.

If you even think about revealing the conflicting emotions inside your head, you’ll be met with a dramatic response of concern which would add more stress than its worth.

So, the easy choice is to say “good” or “fine” and let the focus shift.

The problem with this generic response is it typically ends up closing the door to the possibility of authentic connection.

Most people have wildly different ways of navigating stress, so it can be difficult for outsiders to know where to stand or how to relate. “How are you” can be an honest attempt at showing someone we see them and care.

What if the heart of the person asking the question was curiously saying… “uh, um… I see you, here, doing this hard thing. How? How are you doing what you’re doing?”

Vulnerability, or the awareness and communication of intimate thoughts and emotions, is a powerful catalyst for healthy relationships. When we decide to share honest thoughts and insecurities with a trusted friend or partner, we often prompt reciprocal behavior and relationships deepen.

Maybe we choose a generic response because we aren’t actually aware of what is going on inside our own heart.

What if instead of choosing the easy way out, with a quick one word response, we lean in?

What if you chose to be intentional in getting to know yourself through this season of life?

Checking in with your own thoughts and emotions is an important practice, especially as you traverse unknown territory. Stepping outside or into a private room, uninterrupted, for five - ten minutes can create the space and time your heart needs to speak.

Will you listen?

Building awareness of your inner world will help prepare you for unexpected conversations, as well as empower you to notice areas where support may be needed to help you continue.

We are on this planet with each other for a reason. Life can be indescribably wonderful and incredibly dreary, all at once. What happens when we open up our hearts to each other and lay judgments down?

In our weakness, we can find strength through the love and support of each other. In our surrender, strength has space to grow. Sharing more of our experience with close friends or family is a way to deepen those relationships and tell them you trust them with important parts of your life.

It really is a magnificent concept. Take chances and let yourself be seen, raw and beautifully you.

Keep leaning in, friend.

Lean in.