We hosted our first retreat!

At the end of last month we made a trip down to Cancun, Mexico to partner with Hope4Cancer. It was Dr. Tony week, the one week of the month where the founding doctor is on site to meet with patients and continue education with local doctors. This week at the clinic is typically very busy. We hosted our first 2-day workshop mid-week by inviting companions of patients that were already receiving treatments at the clinic.

The first day twelve companions joined us in the multi-media room in the heart of the treatment center. This space has tall panels on a track that open and close the space for multi purpose use. It wasn’t until we began pulling the panels closed that we realized the design on them looked like tight hanging branches and when closed they formed more of a circular shape rather than a straight wall around the space.

We were metaphorically under the willow.

It was a unique experience for me, as my husband and I had spent many months at that center. I’d sit in that very room with people from all over the world hoping for his healing, too, as he led the room in worship before treatments began.

This time, I was the one leading the room of people who were sitting in the seats just like me, but my husband didn’t have the outcome they were all hoping for their loved one - physical healing. I was tempted to feel like an imposter- like I didn’t have quite the right story to share; to stand in front of them and speak about hope.

I knew that was a lie, because even though my husband’s story battling cancer didn’t have the outcome we believed and fought for, I still found hope through pain and disappointment. I reminded myself, that is why I am here. There is a hope I discovered that transformed my life forever and it had nothing to do with an outcome. I was here to hold space for others to see hope is bigger and wider than we can grasp.

We dove into introductions where each companion had an opportunity to say where they are from, who they were supporting through treatment, and how they ended up at Hope4Cancer. This ended up being one of the most moving times throughout the workshop both days because of the raw vulnerability each individual spoke with as they shared tender parts of their journey that led them to this present moment.

I didn’t anticipate the level of vulnerability individuals would step into the room with when given a chance to openly share, be seen, and hold space for each other. I could see that alone was impactful and healing.

Since this was our first workshop, I allowed myself the space as a facilitator to flow with the room and use the workbooks we brought for everyone as a guide rather than distinct direction. We discovered a few sweet moments of collaboration where a companion had expertise and experience in a certain area we were talking about and openly shared a bit to add to the conversation. This was unexpected and added to the communal respect and trust building in the room.

On the second day, about half of the people who attended the first day were present, plus several people who had just arrived to Mexico or didn’t know about the retreat the day before. The nature of the clinic is such that people are arriving and returning home different days of the week, appointments with doctors are scheduled throughout the day, so some of the companions were in and out, and the emotional work we are doing through this retreat was intense. Understandably, there may have been a few that had enough to think about from the first day or took their workbook with them and decided to continue through it on their own.

We talked about how to regulate stress through our nervous system, how our thoughts have a powerful influence over our emotions and actions, how to find moments of rest and take responsibility for our own health when the focus is on the wellbeing of our loved one, and how to recognize and communicate our needs with our family and friends.

Overall, the goal of this retreat was to allow the companions to feel seen in an experience they often feel overshadowed and unimportant through while reminding them their life matters too and it is possible to hold grief and joy simultaneously. They shouldn’t stop taking care of themselves or waking up with wonder just because they are in survival mode with a loved one.

It is quite transformative for a caregiver to show up in an unfamiliar space with strangers with an open heart and mind, especially if they’ve had previous experiences in health settings that are less than caring. It is another level to fully apply themself to receiving when they’re there to be a support. But then, to walk out of the space having allowed themself to be seen, heard, and truly offer that attention to others who are navigating similar unfamiliar circumstances, that is reviving.

The soft launch of Under the Willow retreats was more than we could have imagined. There were more tears, hugs, and stories exchanged as wonder softly began to open hearts and eyes to the possibility of walking through this journey with more resilience, assurance, and hope beyond what was thought to be possible in the dark valleys of isolation. If nothing else, attendees walked away with connections to others around the world they can check in on, lean on, and support as they continue taking steps toward healing with their loved ones.

We realized through this retreat just how important this work is and how desperately caregivers need to be supported through the journey, too. We are eager to host our next retreat as soon as possible and will continue looking for ways to bridge the gap in caring for people in this support role for their family.

Hope4 Cancer Cancun